Hard Decisions
by linseed
Summary: A postAffinity AU. Ultimately SJ.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: I finally managed to watch AFFINITY when the S8 box set was released in October. That flat look in Jack's eyes in the lab just freaked me out. Here is my AU version of what happened after that convesation. Approximately 6 chapters. Will move to M for the last part, as per usual.

* * *

Jack O'Neill put thumb pressure on the thighs of the long shapely legs wrapped around his waist, pushing down to gain more leverage. He felt as though he were trying to climb a slippery slope at a run and couldn't quite find his footing.

"Harder Jack" the woman in his arms moaned.

The sound of his name off her lips brought him back to reality, but he still wasn't quite sure if he was coming or going. All of a sudden though, the need for release overtook him and he scrambled to catch up.

"Oh God Jack … right there … don't stop …"

Jack pulled himself up onto his forearms and thrust into her madly, seeking his own release and hers.

'Sam … Sam …' his mind screamed, as he felther muscles contract around him. He gave up the fight and collapsed into a heap beside her, curiously unsatisfied.

Silence.

She should be saying something, Jack reasoned.

He contemplated whether he should say anything but realised he had nothing to say. He wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. He wondered if a slight caress across the shoulder would make up for his lack of desire to talk, but decided against it. This had not been a good idea, he concluded. Actually this had been a very bad idea.

The phone rang.

Jack was on the wrong side of the bed.

He found himself wondering whether allowing her to answer the phone in his house was smart, but wasn't fast enough to do anything about it.

"Hello? Yes he's here. For you …" she handed him the receiver with a sad smile.

"O'Neill …"

"Sir?"

Jack flinched but his voice did not betray him.

"Carter."


	2. Chapter 2

"Sir?" Sam began uncertainly, feeling way beyond embarassed.

"Carter?"

She thought he sounded irritated.

"You gonna tell me what's going on or are you just gonna sit there repeating yourself?"

His voice sounded harsh even to him.

"Sorry to bother you at home Sir, but I just wanted to let you know that … I … erm … yes .. I finished typing up that report you wanted."

"U-huh …" he said.

She could imagine him tapping his foot impatiently or drumming the bedside table with his fingertips.

"I just wanted to let you know Sir … since you said it was important."

Suddenly she remembered that the report thing had been a façade, and that she had just given herself away.

Jack stared at the phone - even more sure now that this was not why she had originally phoned. He decided not to call her on it.

"Okay Carter … and now I know. Leave it on my desk and I'll get back to you if I have any questions."

He tried not to sound gruff … but failed.

He heard her doorbell ring and a muffled voice in the background.

"Hey babe … I'll just change. See you when you're done."

Pete.

He wondered if this would be the night when she accepted the ring. Was this why she had called? To discuss the matter further? Jack's stomach lurched ever so slightly.

On the other side Sam looked between the phone and her boyfriend's retreating back. She raised the phone slowly back to her ear. All she heard was a dialling tone; Jack had hung up.

She sank onto her bed, her mind reeling. The General was seeing someone. That's what his cryptic comment had been about.

Her mind rehashed that last comment - 'if things were different I wouldn't be here.'

If things were different? Things obviously were different but he had felt no need to tell her so outright; had felt no need to divulge details from his personal life. What had she been thinking thrusting that box at him? God, he must have thought she was pathetic! She still hadn't figured out why she had done it. What had she been expecting him to do?

That flat look in his eyes. She just hadn't been able to get over that. She'd grossly misinterpreted it, however. She thought she'd seen a trace of sadness there. Now she knew it had been … boredom with the topic.

How many times over the years had she tried to approach him on the topic of how she felt for him? He'd either pulled rank, or brushed her off or stalled her in some way. He'd obviously been setting her down gently.

Again.

She was surprised to find that she wasn't crying. Her thoughts turned to Pete out there in the living room waiting for her. He was a good man. He loved her. It really was time to get a life – because Jack O'Neill obviously had one, and there was no place for her in it except as his second-in-command. He respected his second-in-command, and she needed to make sure he continued to do so. She shelved all thoughts of her commanding officer and left the bedroom, determined to make it work with Pete.

Across town Jack replaced the receiver and sat at the edge of his bed. He watched her dress in silence, wondering if this was going to turn unpleasant. When she was done she came to sit next to him.

"There's no reason to feel bad about what happened here tonight" she said, placing her hand on his knee.

"I don't even know your name …" he said gently, turning to look at her.

"My name doesn't matter. The only reason I know yours is because I heard the bartender speak with you. Look …" she sat on the bed and crossed her legs "we both have stuff going on up here" she tapped her forehead. "This wasn't supposed to be anything beyond … you'll excuse the crudeness … a mindless encounter. We're both haunted. We both needed physical comfort tonight. The only difference is I enjoyed this for what it was. You didn't; and that means that whatever's going on with you is bigger than your ability to deal with it. I don't want to get into your personal stuff here, but I will give you some advice: sleeping with someone else is a stopgap … it doesn't help you move on. And if you can't even enjoy it for what it is then you are in way over your head."

Jack looked at her in semi-awe, registering the truth behind her words.

"I still feel bad about it though …"

"Don't feel bad Jack" she placed a palm on his cheek and stroked it gently with her thumb, her eyes soft. "We all need to forget sometimes; better it was me than someone who hasn't been down this road. I had no expectations."

She stood to leave.

"That was her wasn't it?" she looked towards the phone.

Jack nodded.

"Complicated …" he said.

"Isn't it always …" she gave him a knowing smile.

He walked her to the front door. She kissed him on the cheek and turned to leave.

"Thank you" he said simply.

"Sort yourself out Jack …" she gave him a genuine smile and walked away.

Jack closed the door and leaned his forehead against it. He wasn't sure where to begin.

* * *

Author's Note:  
People like this woman DO exist - not everybody out there is callous. Just sayin' xxx 


	3. Chapter 3

Between the time Pete left her house and the time she entered Cheyenne Mountain Sam had changed her mind again.

The night with Pete had been tepid; no matter how hard she'd tried to lose herself in him her thoughts kept drifting back to Jack. When she found herself imagining that it was Jack making love to her and not Pete she knew it was time to throw in the towel.

A few sleepless hours later she'd come to the conclusion that when it came right down to it she would rather be alone; she could learn to live with the fact that Jack O'Neill had another woman in his life, but she couldn't live comfortably with her own dishonesty. Pete was history by the crack of dawn.

By the time Jack arrived at the mountain he had resolved to move on from Sam. He reckoned she knew nothing of his feelings – he had always been very guarded; she wouldn't be able to tell that anything had changed.

They met in the elevator.

In spite of their determination to put the other behind them they eyed one other surreptitiously – each of them saying their own brand of silent goodbye.

Sam thought there was a slightly charged atmosphere in the car but put it down to over-analysis of the situation.

Jack looked at her in her sleeveless tank top and blue BDU trousers and felt his temperature rise. He felt something else rise too, and couldn't believe that his body was betraying him when his mind was made up to distance himself emotionally from this woman.

He got out of the car a few stops early and walked the rest of the way to his office, annoyed with himself.

He barrelled into his office and found … Daniel.

He huffed, did a 180, and made to leave the office, not in the mood for an interrogation.

"Jack?"

He stopped dead in his tracks, his hands resting on the door jamb.

"Daniel?"

"Are you being intentionally rude? Because all you have to say is 'Daniel I'm busy' and I'll come back later." Something was up, he decided.

Jack turned round and Daniel took in his appearance. Oh yeah … something was definitely up; and by the steely look on Jack's face he wasn't going to want to talk about it either.

"Daniel … I'm busy" Jack moved to his desk.

"O… kay. I guess I'll just go have coffee with Sam then" Daniel ventured.

He watched Jack wrap his fingers tightly around a paperweight on his desk and he had his answer.

He wondered if there'd been an argument as he left the room without another word.

Jack sank into his chair, pissed beyond belief that his hard-on wouldn't go away ... that he could still smell Sam's perfume ... that it made him ache for her ... and that Daniel had just seen right through him.

"Walter …" he picked up the phone "a coffee would be good right about now .. and none of that usual tar .."

"I was waiting for you by the elevator Sir. I'll be right in with it."

Jack put down the phone and peered at the pile of paperwork in disgust.

He sighed.

Barring unforeseen crises and the two scheduled briefings and send-offs he wouldn't be showing his face outside the office today.

Daniel sauntered into Sam's lab and hovered while she discussed something with Dr Lee.

He took the opportunity to observe her. She was less animated than usual, clinically focused on what was being discussed – almost sterile in her approach. Definitely something going on, Daniel thought.

"Hey ….." she turned to him when Dr Lee had moved to another part of the lab.

"How's it going?"

"Fine … you?"

"Try that again …"

"Daniel?"

"You are not fine Sam" he pulled up a stool. "Wanna talk about it?"

"I split up with Pete" she shrugged as she looked into her microscope.

Daniel did a double take.

"Er …why?"

This was unexpected.

"I can't give him what he deserves Daniel …"

"It wouldn't have anything to do with …" he fluttered his hands towards the ceiling and watched for her reaction.

"Of course not …" she flushed from head to toe, and Daniel - again - had his answer. He stood to leave, knowing better than to press.

"Oooooof course not ……….."

He stuck his hands in his pockets and headed for the door.

"Look … why don't we get out of here early today and go have dinner somewhere and talk? I'll clear it with Jack."

Sam looked at him uncertainly for a moment and then shrugged.

"Sure …."

Daniel headed back up to Jack's office.

"Erm … Jack .." he popped his head round the door. Jack gave him a dark look. "Sam and I are taking off early today – that okay with you?"

"Why?" Jack didn't his raise his head but Daniel knew he had his undivided attention.

"She needs to talk about …erm .. some private stuff .. and this is not the place. I'm sure she has loads of personal time she can use. Okay with you right?"

Daniel had no intention of letting the cat out of the bag, but every intention of planting a seed of disquiet.

"Why are YOU making this request?"

"Oh … I just happened to be passing this way. You know .. she's busy with Dr Lee in the lab."

"Mmmhmmm …" - she was avoiding him. "Sure Daniel – give me more paperwork to sign off on why don't ya …"

Daniel tapped his fingers on the door frame, smiled and left, knowing that in spite of his sarkiness Jack would brood.

"Carter …" Sam picked up the phone in her lab.

"All set … we're out of here at six … and then we'll talk."

She put down the phone and went back to her workbench, trying to decide how honest she should be with Daniel.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: I separated the action in the different locations with a line breaker, to avoid confusion.

* * *

"You are distracted O'Neill …" said Teal'c, assisting him up from the floor for the fifth time in as many minutes.

Jack shook his head as though to clear it and took up his sparring stance again.

"Just thinkin' …"

"Indeed. That is worrisome."

"Hey!"

"I merely meant, O'Neill, that when one is engaged in battle, mock or otherwise, it is unadvisable to let one's mind wander." He proved his point by knocking him down again – this time a little harder.

Jack jumped to his feet and took off his helmet.

Teal'c did the same and they headed for the locker rooms.

"So … any idea what time Daniel's coming back to base?"

"I do not believe he intends to come back tonight O'Neill."

"That's … odd. I thought he was translating that rock that Sg-14 brought back from …"  
"That may well be, but I believe that he is having dinner with Colonel Carter and is planning to devote his evening to her."

"You didn't go along?"

"I did not. There were personal matters to be discussed following Colonel Carter's change in status. I am not as intimate with Colonel Carter as Daniel Jackson is."

Change in status? Intimate?

"Care to clue me in here T?"

"I would not. I have already divulged more than is appropriate. Goodnight O'Neill."

Teal'c walked away without another word. Jack snapped his mouth shut and walked back to his office, bemused.

Teal'c stepped into his quarters to pick up his car keys, intending to head back to his apartment for the night. Before he did so he picked up the phone and dialled a few numbers.

"It is done" he said – and replaced the receiver.

He smiled to himself in the dark and headed for the exit.

* * *

Daniel left the study in search of Sam with a smile of his own. He found her where he had left her - curled up on the sofa, sipping her wine and staring vacantly. He sat down beside her.

"Sorry I'm such lousy company" she gave him a watery smile.

"Understandable …"

"I couldn't wait around any longer to get a life, you know …"

"Yeah …" Daniel put his arm around her shoulders and she leaned into him.

Sam felt tears threaten immediately at the element of human comfort Daniel was providing. She struggled against them. Daniel seemed to know this instinctively.

"Sam .. this is me. You don't have to be Soldier Sam here – nobody's watching. No military, no protocol, no regulations, nobody to impress with how strong you are. I know you're hurting. You don't have to prove anything to me."

Sam's silent tears escalated into sobs.

"Why did you leave Pete?"

Sam looked up at him in confusion

Hadn't she already told him why? It wasn't fair to Pete that she couldn't share with him all the details of her work; it was unacceptable that every time she stepped through the gate she might not return and he would never have proper closure; she might not be able to have children due to the naquadah in her blood … the list went on and on.

"Sam, none of these things are new – you knew all of this when you took up with him. Why did you let things get so far?"

Sam shrugged.

"My life was going nowhere Daniel. I felt like I was an empty shell. He gave my life some kind of stability. I felt like a woman."

"And yet he couldn't replace Jack could he?"

"Oh please Daniel … General O'Neill doesn't even know I'm alive half the time."

Daniel noted with interest that she hadn't denied his claim.

"General O'Neill ..." he mused. "Is that how you think of him in your head as well? Not Jack? Wow … talk about denial."

Sam's sobs wracked her body, taking Daniel along for the ride. He held on and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, absorbing her pain.

"And just for the record I think you're wrong you know - about him not knowing whether you're alive or not. He knows."

"Daniel … he has a girlfriend."

"He does?"

This was news.

"I called him last night and she answered the phone."

"Ah …" the elusive pieces of the puzzle started to fall into place in Daniel's brain. He was pretty sure the girlfriend was no girlfriend and that Jack had been supremely embarassed at having been caught with his hands in the proverbial honey pot - by Sam of all people. Which would explain his foul mood this morning.

Sam stood up and snagged a piece of kitchen towel.

"I think you're wrong about that Sam …"

Daniel heard his cell phone ring. He picked it up and looked at the caller id.

Jack.

Surprise surprise.

He looked at the time and smiled – took him long enough, he thought to himself.

"Aren't you going to answer?"

"Telemarketers … brrrr" Daniel said, opening the door to the bedroom and tossing the phone on the bed as he went back to Sam.

* * *

Jack O'Neill sat in his office wondering what was going on. Daniel's home phone had been giving a busy signal for the past hour and he wasn't picking up his cell phone. Carter wasn't answering her home phone - but he wasn't about to call her on her cell. He couldn't believe he was irked by this – but he was.

Against his better judgement he brought out his palm pilot. He activated it and punched in the code for SG-1. Three flashing dots came up on the screen – two in the same location: Daniel's apartment.

If Sam's cell was at Daniel's house it followed that she must be there too. Just as it followed that Daniel must have taken the phone off the hook purposely.

Jack turned the little machine off and returned it to the safe. He headed out of the mountain.

* * *

"Wrong about what?"

"About Jack seeing someone …" he said off-handedly as he refilled her glass.

"She answered the phone Daniel… at ten o'clock at night."

"What were you doing calling him at that time anyway?"

"I needed to tell him about a report he was after me to finish …"

Great, she was perpetuating the lie with Daniel as well, she thought to herself.

"Jack … was after you for a … report … and you called him at home … at ten pm … to talk to him about it?"

Daniel shook his head.

"Pull the other one Sam."

Sam drained her wine glass.

"Have you ever told him how you feel Sam? Because it is obvious to all of us that there's stuff bubbling beneath the surface here and has been for years"

"I've tried Daniel" Sam decided to come clean with him. "I think it's just me."

"I beg to differ, but go on …"

"I've thought about this a lot. I think I may be confused about what I feel for General O'Neill."

Now Daniel was confused.

"You mean you think it's hero worship not love?"

"Yeah. You know I've always really looked up to him. I learnt a lot being his second-in-command all those years; and I wonder sometimes whether that's what I feel for him – whether he's been up on that pedestal for so long that I can no longer tell the difference."

"Sam …" Daniel stood by the window, looking down into the street with an amused look on his face, as something caught his eye down in the street.

"Daniel .. I know he has this thing about scientists, but he respects me .. and I know he's proud of me. But I just feel like somewhere along the line I took that respect and that pride and ran with it – took it way beyond where it was meant to go and fashioned my emotional security around it. But it's all in my head Daniel. Regulations apart there's just no way that he would"

"No there isn't" Daniel interrupted harshly "because the thought of there being something tangible between you scares the crap out of him."

"What?"

Sam had been on a self-recriminating roll and was expecting anything but that kind of a come-back from Daniel.

"You want my opinion? You think he doesn't feel anything for you? Well I think he feels so much for you that he doesn't know what to do with it. As for the regulations … well … we won't go into what I think of regulations. I don't have the same military mind-set as you guys anyway. I would have done anything to get Sha're back Sam .. and you and Jack are both right here and can't get your act together. You're going to stand there and talk to me about regulations and hero worship? I've seen Jack when you're missing or you're laid up in the infirmary. I've watched him closely Sam .. and believe me there is nothing platonic about the way he feels about you. You're just too wrapped up in yourself to see it."

Sam took several steps away from him, unable to believe that she'd opened herself up to Daniel and he was throwing it in her face; taking Jack's side …

"I think I should go now Daniel .." she picked up her jacket and bag and crept towards the door.

"Yeah. I'll see you Monday"

He didn't look at her as she left.

Daniel switched off the lights and turned back to the casement.

The occupant of the familiar truck that had driven up a few moments before he started his tirade climbed out just as Sam walked out of the apartment building.

Daniel watched as he approached Sam.


	5. Chapter 5

Sam fumbled with the key in the lock - tears streaming down her cheeks.

She heard footsteps behind her.

"It was hard for me to tell you how I feel about General O'Neill, Daniel – there was no reason to shoot me down like that."

She felt fingertips draw hair away from the nape of her neck and sucked in a deep breath; these calloused fingertips weren't Daniel's.

Daniel would never touch her like that anyway. She leaned against the car, her heart pounding, her stomach doing backflips.

"It's been a long time since you said anything about feelings."

Sam gasped.

"What are you doing here Sir?"

His fingers never left her hair; threading through the strands every time they fell back onto her neck; pulling them to the side over and over … hypnotically. He pressed his body against hers, forcing her to flatten against the car, his breath flittering across her right ear as he spoke.

"I'm not sure … I just thought you might need me."

"Need you Sir?"

"Yeah …" he said sheepishly, abruptly pulling away and leaning his back against her car alongside her, his arms crossed. "Teal'c said something about a change in status and you being intimate with Daniel and I thought you'd gotten drunk or something and run off and …"

Sam looked at him in disbelief.

"Run off and?"

Jack looked everywhere except at Sam.

"Run off and?"

"Married him."

"So you … what … came to save me from a fate worse than death?"

"I hadn't thought that far. I .."

He was now seriously flustered. He really hadn't thought that far ahead. He had just gotten into his truck, a little panicky, and driven - not really sure what he would do when he got to Daniel's apartment. Or what he would find.

Sam pressed her chin into his shoulder as they both stood stretched out against her car.

"Thank you Sir …"

"For what?"

Sam shook her head and smiled, thinking back to what Daniel had said about this man. She started to wonder if there wasn't a smidgen of truth to his words.

Maybe she needed to push a little.

"If you don't know then I can't tell you …"

Jack took one of her hands in his and wiped her tears with his other hand. It remained there, cupping her cheek.

"Tell me anyway .."

"Not in words …" Sam said.

She leaned closer and kissed him full on the mouth.

"Words are over-rated anyway" mumbled Jack, inbetween kisses.

Sam pressed him back against the car, inserting herself between his legs, making herself comfortable, her hand over his own on her cheek. She smiled against his mouth when she felt his hard-on.

Jack groaned.

Busted.

After a while Jack was distracted by a beam of light flashing annoyingly on them. He squinted and tried to locate its point of origin. He looked up. Daniel … hanging out of his living room window, waving a flashlight.

"Hellooooooo … this is a respectable neighbourhood." He made a shooing gesture.

Sam suppressed a giggle and put the key in the lock.

"Your place or mine?" she asked shyly.

"Not tonight Sam. Let's not get ahead of ourselves huh?"

Sam stiffened, shame rolling over her. She felt as though she had been reprimanded – and in effect she had been.

"I'm sorry Sir. That was out of line. I'll … erm .. see you Monday."

She got into her car quickly and drove off.

Tears of shame started falling as soon as she turned the corner.

Jack stood on the kerb, looking at the receding tail lights.

Then he looked up at Daniel – who shook his head sadly and closed the window on him.

* * *

Author's Note:  
I didn't think they could realistically jump each other on Daniel's doorstep. And having them just hop into bed seemed improbable with all the miscommunication that's been going on. We'll let Jack stew for a while. Moving to M for the last chapterso look there tomorrow if you want to read the end of the fic xxx 


	6. Chapter 6

Jack drove around aimlessly, wondering what had prompted him to behave that way. She'd had the guts to make a move, and he'd been happy to go along with it. Yet when it moved out of his comfort zone he'd rebuffed her in a heartbeat.

He thought about what courage it must have taken -stickler for the rules that she was - for her to make that move, to go against every rule they'd hidden behind for - there … he'd admitted it … he hid behind those frat regs. Because he was scared.

Scared?

He was scared to give in to his need for her because it would take him into unchartered territory, where he would be … what?

Vulnerable.

He was afraid of being vulnerable – of becoming too attached to another human being. It was a question of security over risk, he concluded. Better to leave things unexplored and live in limbo, then risk her walking away from him when she came into contact with his darker side and decided she couldn't live with it.

His thoughts drifted back to all the times he had felt aroused by just being in her presence - and he felt his body react immediately.

He didn't know if he could keep his feelings for her at bay any longer. So far his military mask had served him well. He had always managed to keep his libido in check around her, taking care of raging hard-ons in private on base or in seclusion when they'd been off-world.

Now she'd felt the evidence of his desire for her and she had seemed turned on by it; and that excited him.

Tonight the goal posts had shifted. His body had had a small taste of Samantha Carter and it craved her.

He looked up and wasn't surprised to find that his truck had driven itself to her neighbourhood. He was halfway up the path before he could analyse his behaviour and turn back.

On the inside Sam lay in bed thinking about the events of the evening.

She couldn't believe she'd been so brazen with him … and that he'd turned her down. She wondered whether she ought to ask for a transfer.

Was that a tap on the door?

She looked at the clock.

Rather late for anyone to be calling. She pulled on a robe and padded out to the front door. She looked out through the peep hole and her heart went out to the man standing there looking … determined.

"Sir?" she opened the door wide enough to stick her head through.

"What happened to Pete?" he wanted to know, his hands stuck deep in his pockets.

She opened the door wider and he walked right into the living room.

"Couldn't go through with it Sir."

He nodded.

"Sir … what happened outside Daniel's apartment … I'm sorry … I .."

"Come 'ere .." he wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly, his face dipping into her neck.

"Sir?"

"Ssshhhhhhhh …" he placed a finger on her lips, his gaze locked with hers. "We communicate better when we don't talk."

His mouth brushed hers with unexpected gentleness, almost as though he was waiting for her to protest or pull away. She did neither, merely tightened her grip on him.

She felt him melt into her, drawing her against his body as his heart slammed in his chest.

He was trembling with need for her in a way that he had never felt - not even when he had been young and green. He slipped his hand under her robe and cupped a breast, lifting it until she arched against his palmandshe gasped. He lowered his lips to it. The soft pressure of his mouth suckling on her breast sent aching frissons of raw pleasure radiating through her body, centering low in her belly, a deep hungry clenching beginning to grow there. She dug her fingers into his hair and pulled him closer to her.

"You wanna do this standing up against the wall … because that's where this is heading …" he whispered hoarsely as he nuzzled his face between her breasts.

Sam led him to the bedroom. They watched each other undress in the dark.

Sam suddenly felt vulnerable. He had never seen her naked before. Would he find her too thin? Not padded out enough? When he finally touched her again, his hand running up and down her arm, the warmth of his touch reassured her.

They lay on the bed. He looked so intense that it disorientated her.

Sam tensed and he sensed it immediately.

"Sam?"

"I've never had anyone look at me quite this way" she admitted shakily.

"Does it make you nervous?"

"I don't know …"

Jack smiled, leaning over to kiss her.

She whimpered and arched against him, tension still radiating from her like a beacon.

Jack moved onto his side and turned her face towards him.

"Touch me" he commanded softly.

When she hesitated he took her hand and placed it on his thigh. Then he moved her hand upward and wrapped it around his member.

She watched him clench his jaw and throw his head back.

"Did I hurt you?" she tried to pull her hand away.

"No …" he smiled, not releasing her hand. He slid their hands up and down rhythmically, until he was sure she would not let go. Then he leaned back and basked in the pleasure of her touch until he felt himself approach the edge.

"I need to be inside you Sam …" his breathing was ragged.

She swallowed nervously and nodded her assent.

He could feel the tension in her as he moved over her and claimed her mouth, trying to soothe her. When his knees separated their thighs, opening her to his touch,he was way past coherent thought.

He touched her.

She was ready and he was more than ready. He was pleased that she was so responsive and forced himself not to think about how many other men had been where, irrationally, he felt that only he had ever possessed the right to be. He slid the tip of his engorged member into her and was gratified when she spread her legs wider and arched off the bed involuntarily.

He plunged deep within her and froze.

She was incredibly tight, almost as though there were a barrier. He felt her body stiffen as he tore into her.

Sam looked up into his face and saw the exact moment when realisation dawned on him. She turned her head away, unable to meet the shocked surprise and guilt in his eyes. He immediately stopped, lying still within her, struggling to regain control.

He looked down at her, her face pressed against the pillow, a tear escaping from behind her eyelashes.

"Why didn't you tell me Sam?" he murmured softly, as he placed kisses across her cheek, nose, temples until he came back down to her mouth.

"I didn't know how … and I didn't want it to hold you back."

"What about … Pete? Jonas?"

"There are many ways to make love … I was just never comfortable with penetration."

"Did I hurt you?"

She shook her head and started to move beneath him as he kissed and caressed her.

"Easy Sam …"

She could feel the tightening begin to ease; the ache of wanting him did not however.

Jack felt her respond to his kisses and started to burn again. When her thighs tightened around his hips he knew he didn't need to hold back any longer. He picked up tempo, watching her closely for signs of discomfort.

She touched the tip of her tongue to Jack's skin and found it salty. She bit down on the bunched muscles where his neck and shoulder met as the coiling tension in her lower body spiralled out of her control.

Jack felt her body contract around him and let go, shuddering his release, holding her tightly and pressing hot kisses to her head.

"Oh dear God …" he collapsed to the side, still holding her tightly, stroking and kissing her hair. "You ok?"

Sam nodded. She was … really. She just didn't trust herself to speak.

Jack didn't either – so they lay there and drifted into sleep, wrapped in each other, content to put off the inevitable decision-making till morning.

* * *

Author's Note:

As originally written this story stops here, because I wanted to leave an opening for a sequel, should I decideto write one in the future. Hope you enjoyed it. I toned it down as much as I could xxx


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